The week that was leaves me in a very complicated emotional state or rather too many of the what if's and what I want to do and not get done...Too much lazing on my back didn't help either. Anyway...for what it's worth I believe everybody including myself got a couple of things completed...So the week that was....
Sat. 4/26....Been crazily trying to memorize certain vocabs in order to do a test on my Quran translation..Urghh..been at it for a few days...more like cramping weeks of lessons into 3 days...Been throwing bits of that vits and this vits in order to jog my memory....I feel uncertain and to come myself down...said to myself that whatever is the effort I know I am getting the hasanah although the results or outcome may not be in passing the test...but I least I begin to put together some words...
Sun. 4/27...The test!!! Nervewrecking I can say...got the paper and couldn't believe that I cant read the writings..my heart beats so fast...I believe poor copies and handwriting was the cause and not really that I dont know most of it..ha..ha...Halfway thru..I give up says that I got to do it again the following week...sheer mistake as I have again not been studying and tomorrow is Sunday again...
Mon 4/28...Couldn't really remember what were the main things I did except for preparing Zayd's stuff for going to Riyadh for his SAIK band festival..he was blowing this mean thrombone.. but I guess his refusal earlier in going stems more out of nervousness than not knowing what to play..I guess the talk with Mr.Elkins on prev Wed helps to calm his nerves and look forward to the trip as something that is going to be fun...
Tues. 4/29...Just the 3 of us at home...the morning part of my day started off quite good but I got caught in an argument..Got to watch my fuse not to be easily ignited..Myb the way its being thrown or maybe its the truth of the question...the teacher was saying that we are not really focusing on the subjects for class..we want to stick to the safe side..knowing numbers.. colors.. time..That for me was still a struggle...mainly due trying to convert every meaning 3 ways..Arabic-->English-->BM-->Arabic..thats how my brain is accepting it right now..Maybe the age ka?? No wonder it takes ages to grasp and she's not happy of the rate we are going..
I was frank in my intention to learn a new thing and on top of everything that I put myself in I believe its not fair to say that we are not focussing and not spending time say 1 hour a day...I do believe with more time spend I can eventually get it right but my excuse was that I am having much to do...but I also think I can be organize and do better but when she says that as if we just do for whims was not fair..there are some in the class who are really good but some who's eager and says anything are not really that far away ahead of me..he..he..just being mean here... I feel bad for honestly saying what I did..but maybe its just something of my fuse being short again...
Evening time - when for a walk around the golf course with Azlan before Maghrib..completed it in an hour which was great for me...but then dinner at MK almost tip everything off...but sheer bliss the tea-tarik and mee mamak ( fried spagetti MK style)...
Wed..4/30...Lunch was simple as we got invitation from ASB for dinner which definitely going to be a spread as usual. It was definitely fantastic..I envy her for cooking all those lovely stuffs..Well..it get me thinking that what do I know..except for the few mastered recipes I didn't kknow more..I wish I could but in having reliable suppliers before back home makes me leaving the culinary skill aspects of what I should do behind and not really being ashamed of it until NOW...anyway..I manage to put together sort of a Bread Pudding...without the vanilla sauce..I feel so small beside the carrot cake with cream cheese topping by Aida..another sort of a mix cake too..puddings and apams and tapai..the lot...
Thurs ..5/1..its Labor Day!!! But I am still in labor not of the birthing kind...Got to get up early and take everybody for breakfast to MK that is..the labor wa sin getting everyone up so that we can reach MK early and get back to camp by 10:30 bcos Hannah has her Girl Scout Bronze Award - First Aid presentation today...At breakfast get to meet everybody which was fun..fun... and rush back to camp and got to volunteer for the day...being on my feet was not a good idea for that long a time....
What I regret today was my unexpected blurting out my assumptions...shouldn't have done it but it happen...it might hurt somebody if the assumption is wrong or just by talking abt it...The eyes might not see the actual truth...Anyway...I believe I am ahead in my assuming so thus the trouble...shouldnt have bothered too..but sometimes I tend to let my heart go..I cannot judge on the same principles that I carry...Well..just for saying it out here...I believe a family unit should have a consideration for each other in the unit i.e. between husband & wife, parents&children and between siblings. But then again the care and considerations may not be the same for everybody..but myb due to some privy that we got to know way back makes what we see today looks a little bit off-sided. Well..in coming to Saudi..many ladies had to forgo things that they are use to doing..like going to work and earning under their name..but when does this earning not become so important and not having this doesnt even indicates that your freedom is at stake..?? The feeling of having to depend on somebody even for the small pocket money you need to get things..does not have to be a sign of your independency being taken away from you...of you not being useful....Ya..lah..sume nak kena mintak...so terasa rendah diri juga kadang tu..said a friend. Maybe in my case I have been taking for granted many situations that I share with my husband... I didnt have to resign but I want to resign..many people says I will regret it financially but I say know I wont and I still wont..I got the pleasure of spending someones else money..and the pleasure of setting my own time and rules for what I want to do..this is bliss..But anyway... life here is in a way dependent on the husband in a lot ways...if he does not take you anywhere outside of time spend when he's working and you are home..basically the days just fly by... Not saying that I want to keep him to myself all the time..but hey..if he feels like being there with me I am fine with it..basically he doesnt want to do things by himself...but I did tell him..Nanti orang ingat I tak bagi you buat apa2 pulak nak berkepit je dgn I...but truth of the matter is..its been like that since early on..now that I got to again think about it..sometimes ya you need your own space..but then why should I complaint...
Zayd returns abt 8:00pm on a bus who had had AC problem from 50miles back..the kids were running the bus and rolling on the grass...He was saying how fun it was...Lucky that he got to go..huh..huh...
Friday..5/2...Adzrul says the qualification paper for matric is obtained and should not be a problem to sit for his finals. earlier there were an absolute no...no....until get the approval. spend the nite looking for cup cake recipe instead of studying..but hey..I manage to memorize ayat 1-4 of Sajdah...very happy abt it..but got 4 more to memorize by Monday.. have fun drooling on this Chocolate Cupcake.
1 comment:
Kak Zie,
(lama tak comment kat sini *grin*)
I had trouble with asking for money jugak masa mula-mula. Memang felt really low for having to 'ask' for it when you're so used to having your own. ANd then mcam dok terpikir, masa kita kerja dulu, kalau dia mintak, kita kasi aje, tapi apsal sekarang ni bila kita mintak, kita rasa macam dia beraaat aje nak kasi, tanya macam2, nak buat apa, nak beli apa, nak banyak mana.. ceh.
Tapi dah lama2 ni, I think it's actually a test for our own self-worth. I tell myself, I'm worth it, I deserve it, so dah tak segan sangat dah nak mintak duit, and tell him what you're buying. Lagi senang - get a supplementary credit card and shop whenever nd whatever you want :) ha ha ha.
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