When your kids are young you worry about them learning to move, toilet training, speak...when they start going to school you worry about them not learning enough or maybe learning too much and about not making the grades....you worry that they don't have friends..do they know how to socialize..they are not interested in sports..joining school clubs..are they popular among students and teachers..are they nerds....Worry..worry..worry....it gives wrinkles to your face and make you much older than you actually are....and gives you a lot of unnecessary stress...
But than..if you don't worry..will they get the proper support to make them able to survive and compete in the current stream...will you be doing enough to make sure that they grow up to be successfull...But what measures are our standards...what are the reference points..what will be our satisfaction level..Will we be doing our "part"as a parent...
One thing I do believe..and also worry...we need to educate our selves to become parents..it is not a natural born with thing...Yes..we may be equipped with the physical parts of parenting like physically taking care of them..physically ensuring their growth and well-being but beyond that are we capable of ensuring that they grow up to be happy, balanced, know their duty to Allah swt. their religion- their parents- their family- their community, resilient to whatever may come their way, confidence, responsibility as a provider etc..etc..etc...
My husband and I become parents at the age of 20 with our eldest son Adzrul, 12 years down the road we have 2 more boys and a girl..this complete the family..but we also keep thinking should we have more..and we left it as..if it happens ok..if not we are not going to work hard for it...and now our youngest will soon be 12 and we are in our mid-40's..I guess by now it's a bit too off the child bearing years...not really b'cos of the ability but rather the physical part of taking care of them..
And now it starts again the band wagon of worries...what will Ayman need to take up in college? Our need will be something that he will be financially able with. His need somehow will be more of something he loves doing..like being an artist..he did mention illustrator..We worry again..can make money kah...can he support himself and than on his own family...One thing I know..he is sure good with his English writing...
Like Adzrul..we were very sure he wants to take up computer science...we was hoping more of medical science...than after matric he wants pulak to take up medical science but by than I was thinking alamak..it gonna be too long of a time...but now..5 years is almost done and he will be insyaállah going into his final 6th. year and into the working world...and than he says..I am not going to be a doctor for a very long time..I want to have a business like a cafe or something.. Hmm..do we need to worry again...So i say..why not find something that combines the two..health and diet food ke...make your own brand...advise and consult those who need special food diets... as we should know that many troubles come from our food...
Than come Zayd...the other day at lunch he says..Ma.. i wish I can learn the Quran and knows its meaning..? What do you say to this? I say..Amin..Amin...Amin...I told him..do whatever you want but make sure you focus and work hard...Coz'he's the one who always have some trouble with his reading comprehension and not understanding what it is..He has problems for essay type questions and word problems..but damn good with numbers addition...reciting and memorizing the Quran verses..he cannot control his temper..very fast up and very slow down.. we use to say that his voice has only and off and on button..no volume control...He feels he wants to be a chef because he feels he is not good at academics..as if it is going to be an easy field as I told him that he has to read recipes, do calculations and write his own recipes...
As for Hannah..she has become the wonder girl in our family...masyaállah..Why? she is into all sorts of sports and good in her academics...just yesterday she comes home to say..I can spell something that my teacher cannot spell...We ask again : are you sure? maybe he's just pretending...But come a time when there's minimum fuel in her..she will start to become the grumpy tigress or lioness..She hassle us if she takes a quiz or test and not sure of the results because she did not prepare for it...it stops once the result comes out..usually she will earn A's..If she gets a B..she will say that it was a tough one and nobody in the class score any higher since she either gets the highest or 2nd highest marks..i do not want her to be a snooty baby because of her achievement..so I got to learn to tone her down sometimes...
So..among all the worries..you know you try out many ways in bringing up your child..but you need to educate yourself in how to bring them up...get all the tips you can and read and join classes or seminars..listen to tapes..I strongly believe it will bring you a lot of good...and although we have to treat them all equally in their life...but no two are the same even if they came from the same father and mother...So..education is very important for all especially for mothers...
Hmm...my thoughts alone on this gloomy day....
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