Pink Hollyhocks..

The Hollyhocks in pink lining my driveway... but the sandstorm yesterday almost flatten them but luckily the stem is not broken but they are slant a little bit.. it takes quite a few weeks since the 2nd. photo on Feb.17th. for it to bloom since they were planted.. I wish I could have gotten the other colors but you never know from the small plants. Thought i might get more to plan next winter... There's a beautiful rows of hollyhocks by Rolling Hill Blvd..will get a photo later..

Pacermaker #1 Bye..Bye...

On Wed. 3/21 Zayd was scheduled to have his 12 year old pacer removed. We were really.. really.. not sure about it coz' everything is new..but Dr.Shah seems very confident..he didn't push us to decide rather sort of tell us all the cons for delaying having the removal done. Well..it is almost 5 years now since Zayd has 2 pacer in his body although the first one has since discharge all it's energy. So only the 2nd. one installed in IJN by Dr.Hasri is functioning..it's a St. Jude's 2 limits max and min level. The 1st. by Tectonics is a single level setting. This is not a technical explainations.. At birth Zayd was diagnosed with a complete heartblock and just a few days after his 1st. birthday he had complications that requires the assistance of pacer on his heart for him to get going. Alhamdulilah with the pacer he is okey..tq for this chance ya..Allah

Since, the 1st pacer is no longer working, we were advised to have it removed but the time frame was not urgent but all the only if's....but than again the day was meant to be last Wed 3/21 at about 10:30 am the operation was done. we were at the hospital since 6:30am..Worse thing was Zayd had to fast from 12 midnite Tuesday till after the operation is over. This is actually the hardest part for him...who went you say, that he has to fast..his stomach starts to growl and signals for feeding...

I waited in the waiting room...Azlan went back to the office since there's no need for us to wait together in separate waiting rooms. The rule here in Saudi Arabia....male&female separate.. We put our trust in HIM and pray for the best and whatever is the outcome may we be strong to face it..The surgeon upon going in his chest found out that some adhesion occurs surrounding the pacemaker and he has to cut thru it to get to the pacer...well..to make it short..Alhamdulialh it was successful...our thanks to Allah..he is the ONE..the Decider... Totally it is about 2 hrs plus b$ I saw Zayd again...actually..I was doing Zohor when the nurse was calling for me, quickly i completed my solat and rush in..but got to get thru the auto double door first and when I saw him he was actually sobbing...I was scared..but then I think that sobbing is good..he was awake and feeling something...so I hushed him and asked why was he crying..was it pain? He said NO but it's just that he can't catch his breath or rather take in his breath..he was scared if he was dy***. So I told him that yes..we have to sometime but it's not yet...I guess the nurses and doctors around him was trying to figure out why he was crying...so I told them that he said he couldn't breath and they told me that actually everything is alright...I guess Zayd was scared as the last time when I was not there when he open his eyes..in IJN he was screaming when he came to..reason was I promised to be there when he open his eyes...this time I ask him not to cry but wait or ask for me if he came to and I was not there..but he was more scared what's going to happen to him when he feels that he couldn't inhale and exhale...Poor baby... but to me he is the brave one as he takes in the pain very bravely and going around as if it is nothing.. visitors were surprised that he is already moving around...I am always praying May Allah swt.. make it easy for him...We had the old pacemaker to take home as a souvenir?? Reminder that anything is possible only if Allah wills..

Decorative Painting ~ My First Project..

Finally..today I was braved enough to do the painting on an actual product. Before this I was practising on paper.. and the strokes were never good enough....I was impatient to wait until July so that I can go to one of Aniza's classes...So, as I was trying not to shake so much and let my hand tries to get the forms just right..I finally finished this file box. It's free hand drawing bcos I mess up on the pattern transfer and basecoat the surface again... The pattern is mine...the colours are muddy and maybe not the correct shade but I am still proud of what I had done..No matter that there are smudges everywhere but at least I have a completed product to look at and scrutinize it on how to improve further..I got to make more on wood surface as all the paints I have are just the acrylics for these surfaces and not the enamel type to paint on glasses or tiles...

Anyway..I learn the hard way by just following the instructions in books and looking at photos and watch a video...it can never replace a real life tutor but it's the next best thing if you can't find one near...

Well...I hope there'll be more stuffs that I can do..but I got to be patient..it's actually tiring as I have to force my hand to hold the brush a certain way and create all those strokes to make the flowers and leaves..and make a mistke in varnishing when one of the egdes started to melt..maybe I was spraying too close...but it's true..even without an artistic ability you can learn this fom of art and make something out of it....

Don't Be Sad...

A few days ago, I receive the passage below from UKS messages..it touches so many aspects of my life and feeling ashamed that I have bought the book for close to 2 years and yet haven't really past the first few pages..Yep..busy..busy... After reading the email that has part of the message on it, I have begun reading the book "Don't Be Sad " on Monday and now still on it..the beautiful words keep flowing from the pages and the messages tend to explain so many details of what my own life has been and how to contemplate and expect many issues and maybe how to resolve some.... This early in reading the book I can say that I have come to peace with many things and at the same time will try my very very best on many aspects of my life as if.....

Today is all that you have...

When you wake up in the morning, do not expect to see the evening – live as though today is all that you have. Yesterday has passed with its good and evil, while tomorrow has not yet arrived. Your life span is but one day, as if you were born in it and will die at the end of it. With this attitude, you will not be caught between an obsession over the past, with all its anxieties, and the hopes of the future, with all its uncertainty. Live for today: During this day you should pray with a wakeful heart, recite the Qur’an with understanding, and remember Allah with sincerity. In this day you should be balanced in your affairs, satisfied with your allotted portion, concerned with your appearance and health.
Organize the hours of this day, so that you make years out of minutes and months out of seconds. Seek forgiveness from your Lord, remember Him, prepare for the final parting from this world, and live today happily and at peace. Be content with your sustenance, your wife, your children, your work, your house and your station in life.

So hold that which I have given you and be of the grateful (Qur’an 7:144)

Live today free from sorrow, bother, anger, jealousy, and malice. You must engrave onto your heart one phrase: Today is my only day. If you have eaten warm, fresh bread today, then what do yesterday’s dry, rotten bread and tomorrow’s anticipated bread matter?
If you are truthful with yourself and have a firm, solid resolve, you will undoubtedly convince yourself of the following: Today is my last day to live. When you achieve this attitude, you will profit from every moment of your day, by developing your personality, expanding your abilities, and purifying your deeds. Then you say to yourself:

• Today I shall be refined in my speech and will utter neither evil speech nor obscenity. Also, I shall not backbite.
• Today I shall organize my house and office….
• Today I will strive to be obedient to my Lord, pray in the best manner possible, do more voluntary acts of righteousness, recite the Qur’an, and read beneficial books. I will plant goodness into my heart and extract from it the roots of evil – such as pride, jealousy, and hypocrisy.
• Today I will help others – to visit the sick, to attend a funeral, to guide the one who is lost, and to feed the hungry. I will stand side by side with the oppressed and the weak. I will pay respect to the scholar, be merciful to the young, and reverent to the old.

O’ past that has departed and is gone, I will not cry over you. You will not see me remembering you, not even for a moment, because you have traveled away from me never to return.
O’ future, you are in the realm of the unseen, so I will not be obsessed by your dreams. I will not be preoccupied about what is to come because tomorrow is nothing and has not yet been created.

‘Today is my only day’ is one of the most important statements in the dictionary of happiness, for those who desire to live life in its fullest splendor and brilliance.

Taken from the book, ‘Don’t be Sad’ by Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni, International Islamic Publishing House pg 31-33.

Children..How You Love Them No Matter What...

When your kids are young you worry about them learning to move, toilet training, speak...when they start going to school you worry about them not learning enough or maybe learning too much and about not making the grades....you worry that they don't have friends..do they know how to socialize..they are not interested in sports..joining school clubs..are they popular among students and teachers..are they nerds....Worry..worry..worry....it gives wrinkles to your face and make you much older than you actually are....and gives you a lot of unnecessary stress...

But than..if you don't worry..will they get the proper support to make them able to survive and compete in the current stream...will you be doing enough to make sure that they grow up to be successfull...But what measures are our standards...what are the reference points..what will be our satisfaction level..Will we be doing our "part"as a parent...

One thing I do believe..and also worry...we need to educate our selves to become parents..it is not a natural born with thing...Yes..we may be equipped with the physical parts of parenting like physically taking care of them..physically ensuring their growth and well-being but beyond that are we capable of ensuring that they grow up to be happy, balanced, know their duty to Allah swt. their religion- their parents- their family- their community, resilient to whatever may come their way, confidence, responsibility as a provider etc..etc..etc...

My husband and I become parents at the age of 20 with our eldest son Adzrul, 12 years down the road we have 2 more boys and a girl..this complete the family..but we also keep thinking should we have more..and we left it as..if it happens ok..if not we are not going to work hard for it...and now our youngest will soon be 12 and we are in our mid-40's..I guess by now it's a bit too off the child bearing years...not really b'cos of the ability but rather the physical part of taking care of them..

And now it starts again the band wagon of worries...what will Ayman need to take up in college? Our need will be something that he will be financially able with. His need somehow will be more of something he loves doing..like being an artist..he did mention illustrator..We worry again..can make money kah...can he support himself and than on his own family...One thing I know..he is sure good with his English writing...

Like Adzrul..we were very sure he wants to take up computer science...we was hoping more of medical science...than after matric he wants pulak to take up medical science but by than I was thinking alamak..it gonna be too long of a time...but now..5 years is almost done and he will be insyaállah going into his final 6th. year and into the working world...and than he says..I am not going to be a doctor for a very long time..I want to have a business like a cafe or something.. Hmm..do we need to worry again...So i say..why not find something that combines the two..health and diet food ke...make your own brand...advise and consult those who need special food diets... as we should know that many troubles come from our food...

Than come Zayd...the other day at lunch he says..Ma.. i wish I can learn the Quran and knows its meaning..? What do you say to this? I say..Amin..Amin...Amin...I told him..do whatever you want but make sure you focus and work hard...Coz'he's the one who always have some trouble with his reading comprehension and not understanding what it is..He has problems for essay type questions and word problems..but damn good with numbers addition...reciting and memorizing the Quran verses..he cannot control his temper..very fast up and very slow down.. we use to say that his voice has only and off and on button..no volume control...He feels he wants to be a chef because he feels he is not good at academics..as if it is going to be an easy field as I told him that he has to read recipes, do calculations and write his own recipes...

As for Hannah..she has become the wonder girl in our family...masyaállah..Why? she is into all sorts of sports and good in her academics...just yesterday she comes home to say..I can spell something that my teacher cannot spell...We ask again : are you sure? maybe he's just pretending...But come a time when there's minimum fuel in her..she will start to become the grumpy tigress or lioness..She hassle us if she takes a quiz or test and not sure of the results because she did not prepare for it...it stops once the result comes out..usually she will earn A's..If she gets a B..she will say that it was a tough one and nobody in the class score any higher since she either gets the highest or 2nd highest marks..i do not want her to be a snooty baby because of her achievement..so I got to learn to tone her down sometimes...

So..among all the worries..you know you try out many ways in bringing up your child..but you need to educate yourself in how to bring them up...get all the tips you can and read and join classes or seminars..listen to tapes..I strongly believe it will bring you a lot of good...and although we have to treat them all equally in their life...but no two are the same even if they came from the same father and mother...So..education is very important for all especially for mothers...

Hmm...my thoughts alone on this gloomy day....